Losing yourself in a sea of “momness” (and the struggle not to)

What does it mean to be a good mom while not losing yourself entirely in that role?

As my world evolves more and more into a place where my thoughts are taken up by riveting subjects like potty training ,“big boy beds”, and methods of discipline, I’m well aware that I’m only a few steps down the path of a life-long call to motherhood.

And I love it, I really do. Becoming a mom is hands-down one of the best things that has ever happened to me. As cliché as it sounds, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But I’m also aware that if I’m not careful all of my thoughts, energy, efforts, and time could easily be sucked into a vortex of “momness”. (A vortex that is actually quite an unforgiving one.) It’s one that, though noble, if left unchecked could easily take over nearly every aspect of my life.

I don’t want to get to the place where twenty or so years down the track I’m saying goodbye to my children as they venture off into the the world and I’m left with… nothing.

So what does it mean to be a young mom (or a new mom) and not lose myself? How do I pour my life into my children and give them my very best without letting everything else fall into second or third (or worse) place? How do I safeguard my marriage, my friendships, and my own peace of mind, place in life, and destiny?

Surely there are ways to do it that don’t mean giving less to my children (or to my role as their mother) while also creating healthy boundaries that will serve all of us for the long haul.

Call me crazy, but I just don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night and have the first thing that springs to mind be “how in the world do I coax my toddler into eating his veggies?” {sigh}

So this is something I think of a lot: how am I doing with balance? How am I dividing my time? In my pursuit of being the best mom I can be, am I still including myself in that picture? Am I holding true to who I am apart from my title as “mama”?

One of the things that I loved doing long before I ever had children (or was even married for that matter) was teaching. I would jump at any opportunity/invitation to travel to other nations as be a guest speaker within the organization I work for (YWAM). My love of teaching has led me to nations all over Asia and it’s something that absolutely makes me come alive inside. And to be completely honest, it’s one of the things I do best.

But since having children I’ve had to tone down the travel a little bit, readjust my life and work schedule, and think hard and long about what I commit myself to. That’s not a bad thing – in fact I believe it’s totally right and appropriate.

And yet.. it’s also hard.

So like millions of other women around the world I’m forced to ask the question, “how do I keep doing the things I feel I was designed to do when life now looks so drastically different?”

Surely there’s a way to “do it all”. Right??

This week I’m in New Zealand. I was invited to speak for a week on a school here as a guest lecturer, and after some prayer and consideration my husband and I decided it was right for me to go. So, at 29/30 weeks pregnant I carried one baby in my belly and the other baby on my back and boarded a plane for the “land of the long white cloud”. (See the ‘baby sandwich’ pictured above.)

Being here has been incredibly stretching for me. (And I’m not just talking about the freezing cold weather, surprise snow flurries, and iced-shut doors on the car I’m using while here!) What I am talking about is international plane travel with a toddler of this age (curious and active and opinionated!). It’s not exactly a walk in the park. And then of course you add to that the fact that I’m pregnant and sore and tired most of the time… and without my beloved wonder-husband and his amazing help and support. Oh, and then there’s the time required for teaching prep… the actual reason I’m here.

All of that combined adds up to a great, big challenge and several “what the heck was I thinking?!” moments during the flights here as well as the first few days.

And yet now—five days in—I’ve found my groove and I’m loving it.

Levi and I have discovered our new “normal” for the week and have settled into a routine. He loves the two women who are alternating babysitting duties while I teach, and to my surprise I’m genuinely enjoying sharing a room with him. (I’m actually kind of in love with hearing his little sighs and grunts in his sleep while I’m still awake reading or writing or preparing for my next session.) The teaching is going well, and I’m reminded—once again—about how much I love this aspect of my life.

All of this to say that I’ve been thinking a lot about how “juggle it all” while I’ve been here. I know that in this season of my life I will probably give far more time to my children than I give to myself (and to most people in fact) and I’m making peace with that. But I also know that in the midst of my momness, it’s important for me to continue to grow as a person, continue to explore my own passions, continue to give time and attention and focus to other areas in my life too.

I don’t want to be sending my kids out the door when they are young adults only to be left wondering who is this woman that they are leaving behind. For me, staying grounded as a woman needs to be given priority too. (As does being a wife – my other incredibly important role.)

I’m sure you can relate as you juggle the demands of life and motherhood too. And no doubt you are also trying to discover what it means stay true to yourself in the midst of the demanding season of early motherhood…

Dear friends, how are you holding fast to your identity – your true identity – apart from all the various roles and responsibilities in your life, motherhood especially? How are you guarding yourself from slipping into the abyss of momness and just being defined by that one [albeit important] thing?

trying to stay grounded,