Dear Natural Birth Club

Totally hear you on that one. Only for me it's always been the "Stay at home mom's club–and how difficult it is to stay home." Well how about those of us that WANT and DREAM to stay at home and do not have the blessing to do that? How about those that spend every waking second at work longing to be home and not missing every moment of babes growing up? Yea, maybe I get to have a cup of coffee without having to re-warm it 30 times but I don't care. I sometimes long to have another baby so I get 3 more months of at home time with my kiddos. I understand it's hard work to stay at home–the hardest job there is–but don't ignore those of us that would do anything to trade! Mom's Club? Yea, that only meets during work hours. Play groups? Same thing. Just to rub salt in a wound…I don't get to be a part of any of that either.

I did have a sorta-natural birth. If you count pitocin + no pain meds. I just did it that way because I was more scared of an epidural than pain. I don't tell everyone. Only if they ask.

It doesn't really matter how our children got here, only that they DID get here and safely at that.

I am learning more and more as I go how many different clubs there are in mommyhood. We can never do everything "right." I am trying to not care and just do things the way I feel.

Yeah, it's a sensitive issue isn't it? Along with breastfeeding, sleep training, and so many other parenting choices! I hope I don't sound too sarcastic in this post. It's not intended to be a serious dig. Just a stir-the-pot, get-you-thinking sort of post. I wanted to make a point but not be all emotional about it… and so decided on going this route. I hope I won't be misunderstood! But I must say, I really had fun writing this for my 31DBBB "opinion" post! 😉

I totally feel ya on this one! I am a card toting organic lifestyle person. I have been living green long before it was cool. However, never once did I ever think I wanted to have a natural birth. It grossed me out and I cannot understand why people would intentionally put themselves through pain. I have heard all the arguments and I STILL don't get it. I have an inherent problem with the argument that it is a rite of passage. You have got to be kidding me! Like pregnancy, birth, 10, 12, 2, 4, & 6am feedings, spit up, uncontrollable crying, hormones, and all the other "joys" of motherhood isn't rite of passage enough. I do not understand why people make this all such a big deal. We are all moms, thats all that really matters. Thanks for sharing. It sure is a hot subject.

I am not a part of that club as well. Disappointing. Yes. Felt like a failure in my first job as a mom. However, on the flip side, I now have 3 healthy children all delivered via the zipper. They are turning out very well, so I have succeeded in many other areas. :o)

What a fantastically written post. It is so very true, we all give birth…it may not always turn out as planned, but no one way is better than others. I can certainly understand your disappointment and heartache having planned and dreamed this day for 9 months.

I like your club: The Mamas Who Gave Birth and I think it was clever and well written…Congratulations and I think you're an amazing Mama!

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes moms can make each other feel bad for not doing this or that…without meaning to. I feel confident that what I did/do is OK. I am a wimp, so I went for the epidural the 1st time. Second time? Baby came WAY too fast and I had no choice but to go au natural. Both times all that mattered was the cute little guy who came out of it.

I was a breeched baby and I tell you what, it is harder to have a c-section than a natural birth. So more power to you Adriel! hehe your club is better!

Congratulations and welcome to the C-Section Club! You've expressed some things I have felt too as a c-section mommy (placenta previa for me instead of breach).

You definitely deserve a hug. I have felt many of the same things you've expressed, although it's definitely from my own judgment of myself rather than that of others. Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be the perfect mom because I feel like I couldn't do the first thing I should have as a mom–just get him out. Remember that giving birth, having major surgery, and the combination of the two are things you have to recover from mentally and emotionally as well as physically!

Great post. I am going to bookmark it to link to on my blog when I finally get around to writing about having a c-section.

From the first day I found out I was prego (on my birthday) I knew that 1. no breastfeeding 2. oh heck yeah pain meds 3. I'm not giving up coffee for 9 months. (oh some heads are spinning now!!!!)

I went to the hospital the night before my sceduled induction to make sure I wouldn't miss that epidural window of opportunity! 🙂

Great post! Add another card carrying member to your club!

Hi Adriel, I didn't realize there was such a divide between the two camps of mamas. I am not even sure why there would be one. But I guess life is like high school over and over again regardless of where you are in life. Cliques, groups, haves, have-nots – we do the best we can to navigate around these I suppose.

I enjoyed your post, and adore your blog. Thanks for visiting mine!

Thank you adriel. After what happened with my births and my chronic low supply, I say eff all the clubs. I don't want to be a member, even honorary, of any of them. I have some amazingly supportive, like-minded friends. I think that's all that matters.

I love your post. It helps remind us moms to be less judgmental of each other! Each birth is unique and special.

I am sorry you didn't get a chance to have the birth you hoped and planned for, but so happy that you are glad about your birth. I love the picture!

You actually helped me remember it is mom and baby who help shape a birth and I went and bolded that in one of my posts. http://enjoybirth.com/blog/?p=1143
Birth is a Journey

Hey, the fact that you had a baby makes you a supermom 🙂 I pushed Eva out, but had to get an epidural just about one or two hours before the pushing began, I have a very low threshold for pain and pass out becuase of it (I actually have a medical condition related to this, neurocardiogenic syncope). Actually, by the grace of God, I didn't pass out during labor, but when I started to get very close to it, I decided drugs were better than me passing out all the time which would just complicate things. So, I to did not have Eva "naturally", however, for my body make up, I think I actually am a superwoman. I'm quite proud of myself for how long I did make it naturally with labor.

How you feel about your labor experience is how I feel about my breastfeeding experience. I still find myself sometimes struggling with the fact that I had to give it up.

Perhaps you can give the "natural" birth another go with your next baby 🙂

This post has been starred in my Google Reader for a while…but I just wanted to, first of all, say that I sooo related to this. Having had a c-section after having my perfect birth plan all mapped out was a let down at first…but I got over it quick and am happy to have my little Robi here with me. 🙂 I gave you a shout-out on my latest blog post.

Why wouldn't your midwife deliver your baby breech? It's very common and perfectly safe. It's a misconception that it requires a c section. I have plenty of friends who have had home births with breech babies.

I hear ya! I too have been denied access to that club. My son also had other ideas of how he was going to enter this world (also breech). But I didn't even get to join the "women who had labor" club. I never even got that far. I got checked into the hospital for high blood pressure and because my son was breech ended up checking out with a baby. No beautiful laboring at home with husband and doula. No beautiful birth music and low lighting. Nope, only a cold, harsh room with horrible lighting and people talking to each other like you're not even part of the whole thing. So, in other words….I hear ya!

Totally could have written most of this myself except I found out at my 39 week appointment without going into labor that my baby was breech. My doctor knew I wanted an unmedicated birth but my little girl had other ideas. She had us all fooled the week before at my check but my doctor caught it the next week. So instead of an unmedicated, vaginal birth, I now have a c-section scar and a beautiful healthy baby. We both came out ok and that is what matters most.

i just stumbled across this post while perusing your little blog here and i had to laugh. not because i think it's funny that your plans went awry or anything….mainly because MY plans went awry in the opposite way and i ended up being a part of the natural birth club on accident! my third little angel backed into the world as well…except we didn't catch it until she was already "arriving" and they saw her butt first! and she came so fast that the epidural that i was SO planning on getting didn't happen. so, i birthed her breech AND naturally! although that was very much so not my plan…..i wouldn't change a single thing 🙂

Such a great post. Totally spot on too. I am in the club and would NEVER have thought that I was better or anyone else was less of a woman or that my way was the best, etc. but after having read this I can tell that friends of mine probably thought that. The way they kind of justified drugs in front of me (as though I needed a justification from them or even thought any differently of them because they didn’t want to) or talked about it. Such a great post to read because (I’m trying to “fall” pregnant again) and think I should just keep my mouth shut.

Plus, I think for giving natural birth you talk yourself up so much because – let’s face it, the pain seems scary – so that if it doesn’t happen you feel super disappointed. Not because you “failed” but because you talked something up and thought about it for so long even though it didn’t happen!
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