[7|52: in the buff]
The way Judah looks at me is different to the way anyone else has ever looked at me before.
I’m not even really sure how to describe it except for the fact that it’s like he knows me. Really knows me.
{Even just writing that out feels so silly, to be honest. Cheese, anyone? Cliche??}
But truly, there is something different about this kid.
Perhaps it is all me, all my perception.
I don’t know how much of it is due to those months I carried him, unsure of his health, unsure of what doctors were saying to us, unsure of our future.
Perhaps it is that I wore him more, co-slept with him more, and nursed him a little more as a newborn.
He’s changing the way I parent in ways I’m not yet fully able to articulate.
I don’t love him more than I love my Levi. (Oh, how I love my Levi something fierce.)
I just love him different.
And he, too, loves me different than the way Levi loves me.
Who can ever understand the love between mother and child? I’m a mother and yet even I can’t fully understand.
But something deep in this little baby rocks me in a way I’ve not been rocked before.
Some days it’s just the quiet way he looks at me – always looking at me, always aware of where I am. (And where I am not.)
But it’s there – that something.
God in the eyes of a child… looking at me, loving me, telling me that it’s all going to be okay, telling me that I’m beautiful, telling me that I’m enough.
Dear friends, how about some random from me today? I’m not normally one to be at a loss for words. (Hello, opposite problem!) But there’s something brewing in my heart about this little one that I want—yet don’t know how—to share. All I can squeak out is this little vague glimpse… so I’ll just have to leave it at that. How are you being rocked by your child lately?
P.S. Judah was having some diaper-free time while big brother was napping. As soon as he was stripped down to the buff I realized he’s four-and-a-half months and I don’t have any photos of him sans clothes… so out came the camera. (Of course.) It was such amazing light and he was being so. dang. cute. I didn’t even adjust his eyes in the processing – that’s how amazing the light was. Gosh, I love these. Gosh, I love him. (So. Much.)
in the buff: #7 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.
8 Comments
Amy Sullivan
17 February 2012 at 11:06 pmDang, those blue eyes! Just beautiful.
Amy Sullivan recently posted..Delight and Party Guests
Micheline
18 February 2012 at 6:15 amWhat a looker, that Judah! I so get you. I feel the same way about my Zoe. She has the knowing smile sometimes when she looks at me. I also did a lot more babywearing and co-sleeping with her, so maybe that does have some bearing. It’s just a beautiful thing to parent a little baby again, right?
Micheline recently posted..A Nod to Nostalgia
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos
18 February 2012 at 2:23 pmyeah, it is micheline. i think it’s this age too. they’re still so needy, but they’re also so cute. personality is starting to take shape more and they seem more “human” as you can see their little brains really beginning to tick. and also i think i’ve matured and changed since becoming a mom in general… so of course this will feel different – two years into it than it did when i was only weeks into it… i’ve had two years to “become mom” this time…
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos recently posted..nighttime parenting vs. daytime parenting: do we have split personality disorder?
Rachel J.
18 February 2012 at 7:49 amHmm, weird…my comment didn’t post the first time.
Well, what I said was that Abram has this look of complete adoration that he gives me, as though I’m the most wonderful thing in the world to him. It’s so, so sweet, but I feel so undeserving of it. “God in the eyes of a child.” Love it. 🙂
Rachel J. recently posted..Sometimes Love Is Hard To See…
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos
18 February 2012 at 2:24 pmit really is wonderful to feel that from another human being isn’t it? they still think we’re perfect and the best thing that’s ever happened to them!! 🙂
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos recently posted..bankrupt without love
Courtney Kirkland
19 February 2012 at 4:25 pmI actually fully understand what you are talking about in this post. I share a similar bond/feeling with Noah. It’s like we are soul mates of some sort. We just get each other. 🙂 I think it’s one of those special bonds mom’s share with their sons. LOVE these photos!! What beautiful blue eyes!!
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..Feature Friday: A Bold Grace
Nicolette
23 February 2012 at 3:27 amGreat shots! His eyes are amazing. I agree with your comment about having to two years to become Mom as opposed to just weeks. I think it makes a big difference. You are more comfortable with who you are and the little can sense that.
Branson
23 February 2012 at 8:48 amSo, so sweet! 🙂
Branson recently posted..Becoming a Creative Counterpart