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Our stupid fish died. And our baby died, too.

Our stupid fish died. And our baby died, too.

I cried when he brought lunch to me in our home office and told me our fish had died. It wasn’t that I was particularly fond of that stupid fish. Fish don’t have much personality and I understand that they don’t have long a lifespan and that humans can easily ruin them if we’re not […]

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A Mother's Confessional: When anger takes over.

A mother’s confessional (This might get a little ugly.)

Sometimes you think the waters are calm and still and then you blink and the storm clouds have rolled in and you find yourself trapped by your own anchor, hanging heavy and forgotten in the deep. Have you ever been so close to hitting your child that you had to call someone for help? I […]

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Grace like Scarlett

It was as perfect a day as I can remember, with sun glistening and birds singing and palms swaying and golden beach all rolled out before us. We ate ice cream and watched the children play and held hands and smiled big as we spoke of the day our baby died. Could it have only […]

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Learning to stay afloat in the waves of grief

  They say that grief comes in waves. And it’s true. The emotion comes and goes, comes and goes, comes and goes. They also say that you should never turn your back on the ocean; waves can come strong – catching you off guard – and hit you harder than you were prepared for. The […]

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This ground is holy

{written April 6, 2013}   I thought she would be an opal baby like her mama. But October never seemed so far away. She’s a diamond now and I like that too – precious and beautiful and infinite in worth. When we lost her I knew immediately that I wanted a necklace to wear on […]

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Pregnancy loss - miscarriage at 13 weeks. My last day with our baby.

The day I lost my baby

Trigger warning: Death, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, D & C. Disclaimer: Writing (and posting) this account is part of my process of dealing with my grief. It is long and raw and somewhat graphic, at least on an emotional level, but it’s what I need to do. Thanks for your grace as I pour it all […]

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