Letters to a Grieving Mom: Open on your due date after miscarriage

This is part of a series called Letters to a Grieving Mom to help women navigate significant milestone days after miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

Letters to a Grieving Mom - Open on your due date after miscarriage


Dear Grieving Mom,

This day. It was circled on the calendar and etched on your heart. It was the day you hoped to meet your baby—to hold her, to study him. You planned to take her to your breast. You anticipated smothering his toes with kisses.

You had begun to rearrange your life around this day. It was to be a “before and after” day, marking a huge and happy transition in your life and home. You had planned to organize your work around this day. You had counted months before and after this day as you imagined your crawler at Christmas or your newborn as you took your oldest to school for the first time.

This was the day you were to post the face of your little one on instagram and watch the congratulations pour in as the world was introduced to this piece of your heart you had already known and loved for nine long months.

And yet now this day has come and you are left with nothing to show but a broken heart.

Friend, it’s not fair that your baby isn’t here. A mother should never have to face a due date without a baby in her arms.

You and I both know there are lots of reasons why a baby and mother aren’t together on this sacred day, but today those reasons don’t matter. They are crowded out by the one simple fact that your baby’s not here.

And I’m so sorry.

As you take time to think about how your heart feels and where your soul is in the grieving process, give yourself permission to feel the sadness, the injustice, the heartache.

Have you wanted to cry but couldn’t find the tears? Watch a sad movie and let it help you tap in.

Have you been fine looking at other people’s babies on facebook but now the sight feels like a punch in the gut? Go ahead and hide that friend from your feed for a little while.

Have you been on edge for the last few weeks, wondering why you’ve been so quick to anger? Quiet your soul and ask if sorrow might be the source. (Anger is often grief in disguise.)

I want to be able to tell you this day will get better as the years go on. And for me it has. Due dates are now a time of thoughtful reflection for me—days where I practice gratitude for how God’s carried me, more so than reminders of how much I’ve lost. But I won’t make promises to you that can’t be kept. I don’t know how you’ll feel on this day during years to come. Time does not heal all wounds, but Jesus does. Jesus will. We can grieve with hope.

So whether today has thrust you back into sorrow, has caused you to feel lonely, has brought you to your knees in surrender, to your feet in anger, or filled your mind with doubts and questions please know this: God is not intimidated by any of it. He can handle it all. Your humanity isn’t a burden to him; it’s a gift that keeps you tethered to him. God is with you. He is present. He can keep you in his peace. 

You and I—we have different grief journeys, but I feel confident telling you this: When you feel pulled back into grief it doesn’t mean you are going backwards. Grief is like a spiral—you can spiral up or spiral down. Just when we think life is feeling a little more normal, it can sneak up and hit us like a heat wave. And you may feel it today in great measure. Or you may not. Either way, know this: you cancontinue to grow forward.

Maybe since you saw today coming you feel ready. You’ve talked to a loved one you trust, arranged a quiet moment in your day to pay tribute, or spent time journaling your collapsed hopes. Perhaps you’ve entered into prayer or have drawn aside to meditate on God’s promises to never leave or forsake you. But if you haven’t, know it’s not too late. Take some time now and listen to your own heart—what is it trying to tell you? And then take some time to listen to his—ask God to draw near.

In the sermon on the mount Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matt 5:4 NRSV). Friend, we are not blessed because we mourn—that’s not the blessing. We are blessed because in our mourning we can experience God’s comfort. So may you feel the warm embrace of his comfort today. May you know God’s blessing in the midst of your pain.





More posts in the Letters to a Grieving Mom series:



Resources to Help You Heal

For further resources to navigate grief after miscarriage and pregnancy loss, or to learn how to best support a friend experiencing loss, please visit my Miscarriage Stories and Resources page. You will also find a free grief journal and a free 7-day devotional.

If you’d like to go deeper in exploring how to grieve with hope, I’ve written a whole book for you:  Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss (available at all major retailers).

Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss by Adriel Booker


Grief Support Groups

Join us for an 8-week “Deep Dive” grief support group to help you navigate life after pregnancy loss. Find out more here.

June Deep Dive grief group with Adriel Booker


Pregnancy Loss Community

Join us at the kindest place on the internet: Our Scarlett Stories – online community, resource library, and more.

Our Scarlett Stories Pregnancy Loss Community with Adriel Booker



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Letters to a Grieving Mom - Open on your original due date after miscarriage

Featured Image by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

About Author

Adriel Booker is an author, speaker, and advocate based in Sydney, Australia who believes storytelling, beauty, and the grace of God will change the world. Adriel has become a trusted voice in areas of motherhood and parenting, Christian spirituality, and global women's issues. She's also known for her work with the Love A Mama Collective—serving under-resourced women in developing nations through safe birth initiatives—as well as her years spent as a Bible teacher and leadership coach. Her latest book is Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss and she's made the companion grief journal available for free. Find Adriel across all social media platforms at @adrielbooker or sign up for LoveNotes, Adriel's 'secret posts' that aren't published anywhere else online. ✌️


  • Leslie Harrington
    5 July 2019 at 10:31 pm

    Thank you for this. I’ve been in angry, hopeless depression since my due date last week (and thank you for mentioning the link between anger and sadness). The weird thing is, I didn’t even consider the possibility that that was the cause. I mentioned the due date to my husband, and soon after pushed it out of my mind. I believe the Lord led me to this article today.

    • Adriel Booker
      18 May 2020 at 2:48 pm

      Hi Leslie. I seem to have missed this comment when you originally posted, sorry. I’m so glad you found this at just the right time. I’m so sorry you lost your baby. My anger has often been sadness at its core. Understanding that has really helped me cope when I’m angry—it helps me be more compassionate toward myself. x
      Adriel Booker recently posted..Deep Dive: Grief support groups after pregnancy lossMy Profile

  • Ashlie Dains
    16 August 2019 at 12:03 pm

    I just want to thank you for this article. I have felt weird about my due date. I have felt like others think i should have moved on but I’m glad i read this! I’m also so thankful i found your page! I feel like more people should talk about miscarriage, i have felt lost and alone in this journey! But thank you I am now giving myself permission to grieve!

  • Ashlie
    16 August 2019 at 12:03 pm

    I just want to thank you for this article. I have felt weird about my due date. I have felt like others think i should have moved on but I’m glad i read this! I’m also so thankful i found your page! I feel like more people should talk about miscarriage, i have felt lost and alone in this journey! But thank you I am now giving myself permission to grieve!

  • Andrea Parrish
    7 September 2019 at 9:43 am

    I miscarried in February and i have come to terms with it but as this date in September approaches i find my heart starting to ache again. As i attended the baby shower for my friend due just a month behind me, i felt my heart ache a little. Thank you for writing this❤️

  • Tiffany
    24 July 2020 at 11:03 am

    This was the best thing I never knew I needed. My birthday was July 21st and my baby (whom I’ve decided to name Sevyn) would have been due on July 22nd! How special is that? But yet so devastating. I lit a candle and just said a prayer on the day of and I read this today. Your words mean more than you know. Thank you.

  • B.K
    15 June 2021 at 6:24 am

    Thank you. Today was/is my date.

  • Jessica A Ford
    30 May 2023 at 7:48 am

    Thank you for writing this and sharing your heart. My miscarriage was in December 2022. I was numb following the miscarriage. I hemorrhaged severely, and the trauma drained me in more than one way. My due date is one month away, and I’m now feeling the loss of my baby…and the hopes and dreams I had for her. It feels a little crazy for a month from the due date to be so impactful. I can’t help but mourn the things I “would” be doing now, and the anticipation I’d be feeling. So, though it’s early, I planted some pink roses for her today (June’s birth flower). I pray that, as they grow and bloom, so will peace and comfort. Thankful for the One Who holds us, and in Who’s plan we can rest.

    • Adriel Booker
      26 July 2023 at 2:42 pm

      I hear you Jessica. You are not alone. This is a painful grief to navigate. I’m sorry for your loss. May your June roses bloom and thrive. x


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