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getting ready for baby number two | it’s ok to question yourself

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How do you prepare for your second baby – both in heart and in mind?

pregnant mom and toddler on the beach

 

When I was preparing for my second baby, I often had (silly) thoughts like:

What if I can’t love him as much as my firstborn?

What if he’s not as cute and people don’t like him as much as my first?

What if he gets overlooked or–maybe worse–compared?

What if I don’t have time to notice the small things?

What if I can’t cope with the workload of two littles (and the laundry, chores, etc. that come with them)?

What will I do with my toddler while I’m putting my baby down for naps?

How will my toddler cope with me breastfeeding all the time?

Will having two babies limit my mobility and make me feel trapped at home?

I’m already often tired now, how will having another baby make me feel physically?

How will I give both children the individual attention they need to thrive?

How will my relationship with my first born change?

Will my firstborn be resentful toward me for the time I’ll need to take care of the baby?

Will the baby’s accomplishments go unnoticed because the toddler is stealing the show?

And on and on my list went.

Your questions can help as you’re getting ready for baby number two.

I don’t feel bad that I had those questions. In fact, I think they are an important part of processing your changing family dynamic and your ever-growing role as a mom.

These sorts of questions – as silly as they seem to be now – help you to think through expectations, ideals, and practicalities of expanding your family.

Worrying doesn’t help (never does!) but questioning can help you grow as long as you’re kind to yourself and intentional in the process. (That means no guilt trips for not reading your pregnancy and parenting books cover-to-cover again or not knowing exactly which fruit represents your baby on any given week!)

Embracing the change from one child to two when your second baby arrives.

Now that Judah’s been with us for four months, it’s hard to even remember life before he came.

Our family—like the millions of others who have gone before us—morphed and changed along with his arrival.

We expanded our hearts. We changed our routines.

We’ve learned, we’ve grown, we’ve marveled again – at milestones, at idiosyncrasies, at personality.

We laugh even louder… because there’s even more to laugh about.

And we love even deeper.

He makes our family even more “us”.

gorgeous 4 month old baby

[4|52: mr. blue eyes]

 

And the same thing will happen to you. Before you know it you won’t even remember life before….. two.

Dear friends, are you getting ready for baby number two? I hope you’ll be encouraged that your questions are ok and that it’s all a part of the normal process of transition. If you have more than one child, what’s one thing that helped you to prepare your family or yourself for the change?

 

P.S. If you’re not a fan already, you can “like” the Memos on facebook to get posts in your newsfeed. You can also “like” my new blog Click Clink Five on facebook and see what that one’s all about.

 

mr. blue eyes: #4 of my 52 fotos project.
Linking in with other Project 52ers: Styleberry Blog and Courtney Kirkland.
And also linking in with Sweet VioletMcDougall Photo Blog, and Mom Tried It.

26 Comments

  • Reply amanda 27 January 2012 at 10:39 pm

    adriel, i appreciate your post– very timely for me as we are (any day!) expecting our second little boy! i have had many questions, similar to yours, and i agree that it’s a good and healthy part of the process! it is hard to know what to expect with this big change, but encouraging that so many have done it before me, so i know it’s doable! i can’t believe your littlest guy is already 4 months! so adorable!!!
    amanda recently posted..mid-week confessionsMy Profile

  • Reply emily 28 January 2012 at 1:49 am

    Great post…we are headed down this road as we speak! It’s kind of hard to wrap your head around, but it seems like there is a less stress (so far), as we don’t have time to think over every little thing since we have our hands full with kiddo number, I’m sure that will all change soon!

    • Reply Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos 30 January 2012 at 10:38 pm

      yeah, my second pregnancy was so different than my first. BUT i did have moments of near-panick along the way – most on days where my toddler was having multiple melt-downs! haha.
      Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos recently posted..hair, hair | a post-partum rantMy Profile

  • Reply Becky 28 January 2012 at 3:33 am

    We’re preparing to welcome baby number 3 in about 4 months. I don’t know that there was anything in particular we did to prepare for #2…not sure you can adequately prepare for a new addition to the family. I think you just need to take it one day (sometimes one minute) at a time. I look at my two now, ages 4 and 2, and I think, “wow, they’re such great friends (usually!)”…it’s hard to see how a third will fit in to the equation, but I know down the road, I’ll look back and find it hard to imagine life before that baby/toddler/child. I will say it was a bit of a rocky transition, bringing the new baby home…but after a while, it was much, much easier. Anyway, I think it’s all relative. When I was a mom to one, many days, I felt overwhelmed. Then I had two. And then I wondered why I was so overwhelmed before. Lol!
    Becky recently posted..Pregnancy Update: 20 Weeks!My Profile

    • Reply Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos 30 January 2012 at 10:39 pm

      yeah, i feel the same way – wondering why i was ever overwhelmed before. but it’s all relative, isn’t it??! no doubt you will love the dynamic that your new addition brings!! yay for kiddos!! :)
      Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos recently posted..mah bay-beee is twooooMy Profile

  • Reply Alicia 28 January 2012 at 3:48 am

    I’ve definitely had similar questions in my heart as we are getting ready for baby #2. It’s always encouraging to hear stories from others who have gone before. Thanks for sharing.

    I was wondering if you’ve got any tips on how you prepared Levi for the arrival of a new baby? (Maybe you already posted on that and I missed it?)
    Alicia recently posted..Oh blog, my blog, wherefore art thou?My Profile

    • Reply Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos 30 January 2012 at 10:45 pm

      no, i haven’t written on that. but have meant to! :) i would say the most important thing for the child is that you talk about it a lot – point out babies, talk about baby in mama’s tummy, read stories about babies etc. i also got him a boy baby doll and we would sometimes play with it, put it to sleep, rock it, etc. truthfully he wasn’t super interested in it though. (he’s never been much into stuffed animals and that sort of thing.) we also bought a gift that i had at the hospital so that when levi met judah they could each exchange gifts. not sure levi really understood it was from judah, but he did love the gift. lol. i think when the oldest is still so young, they might have a bit of a time adjusting at first (levi was more clingy than usual and also started waking at night), but they end up adapting rather quickly (compared to older children). that’s one advantage of having them close together! you will LOVE it! :)
      Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos recently posted..hair, hair | a post-partum rantMy Profile

  • Reply tracy dickinson 28 January 2012 at 4:29 am

    the questions don’t stop with a second baby…try having three! luckily, just like with two, you adjust, things change, and you do love deeper, laugh louder and your family does seem more complete!
    tracy dickinson recently posted..Embracing my BabiesMy Profile

  • Reply Courtney Kirkland 28 January 2012 at 5:08 am

    Since we are trying to have a second baby, I find myself asking these questions pretty frequently. I think the one that I ask most often is how can I find it in my heart to love a second child as much as I love my first? I know that it’s possible…people do it every day and everyone I know with more than one child says, “you just do.” I think it’s natural to think these things. Having one baby is a big change…but adding a second (or third or fourth, etc) to that is just as big. Beautiful photo!! His little eyes are stunning! Thanks for linking this week! I’m getting started on a series of photography posts to get you on the road to shooting in manual! :) Keep an eye out for those!
    Courtney Kirkland recently posted..In a Perfect World…My Profile

  • Reply Micheline 28 January 2012 at 5:46 am

    Isn’t it funny how it’s only been 4 months and it’s hard to remember life before Judah? I feel the exact same way about Zoe. And yes, my family feels so much fuller now and I love it.

    Great post. I definitely feel it was more challenging to go from 0 to 1 than to go from 1 to 2, which will hopefully encourage those about to have baby #2.
    Micheline recently posted..Happy Birthday, Dad!My Profile

  • Reply Mahina 28 January 2012 at 8:31 am

    I’m sure your heart will double in size when #2 comes! My Project 52 this week was about “remembering our angels” aka my grandparents.
    Mahina recently posted..Project 52: | Remembering Our AngelsMy Profile

  • Reply Emily 28 January 2012 at 8:33 am

    Congratulations! That picture is ADORABLE!

  • Reply Adrienne 28 January 2012 at 10:35 am

    I was so worried when I was pregnant with #2. How could I possible love this baby as much as I love my first? But, it’s true. It just happens. Our hearts are made to love. It’s an amazing thing to find that there’s room in there for both of them.
    Adrienne recently posted..God is good, Sistas!My Profile

  • Reply Nessa 28 January 2012 at 10:42 am

    Oh Adriel… were you in my head today?? I have been rolling these questions over and over. One moment I feel great, so perfectly ready to be a mommy of 2, and then the next I feel completely inadequate. Thanks for the pep talk you might not know I needed.
    Nessa recently posted..MirrorMy Profile

  • Reply Branson 28 January 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Is Judah really 4 months already?!?! He is goooorgeous!

    Umm… now stop feeding my baby fever. K? Thanks! 😉
    Branson recently posted..Friday Favorite {and a selfie!}My Profile

  • Reply Ali Agleham 29 January 2012 at 12:52 am

    I have totally had all those questions!! Ive even wondered.. what were we thinking wanting more kids we barely function well with one…. but yes of course we WANT this child and I am looking forward to seeing how we grow and morph as a family… thanks for the post though, its good to know Im not the only one with those crazy questions. =)

  • Reply In which I realize I might never feel 'ready' (to have more children) 14 January 2013 at 8:08 am

    […] Um, duh. (I remember feeling the exact same way when thinking about having number two, and then even after I was pregnant and preparing for baby number two.) […]

  • Reply Veronica 24 August 2013 at 10:58 am

    Glad I stumbled upon this on pinterest. I’m completely terrified about baby #2 due right before Christmas. Mostly because I have no idea how the heck I’m supposed to balance my crazy toddler and newborn and full time classes. Although, I get tons of support from family members since we live within 15 mins of both sets of grandparents and many aunts and uncles so I’m far better off than many. I hate, hate, hate asking for help though so hopefully people just come over and watch the kids randomly. With my oldest my husband lost his job day after we brought him home from the hospital and when he got another job he had my mom come and help with the baby since he didn’t want me to be alone :)

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    […] Here are a few for you: In Which I Realize I Might Never Feel ‘Ready’ to Have More Children, Preparing for Baby #2 – It’s Okay to Question Yourself, or Making Enough Room in My Heart & Life for Baby #2 (Will I Ever Be […]

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