How hardship and blessing are often intermixed… and the fact that I’m okay with that.
I have the next two hours completely to myself. It’s our last day of vacation and Ryan and Levi have hired a bike with a baby seat while I’ve found a quaint little bookshop café. Here I sit with a beautiful decaf coffee, my trusty little macbook, and holiday-goers strolling by as the sun begins to sink. My feet are sandy, my hair is windswept, and my shoulders tanned.
Life feels good in this moment and I’m in no rush for tomorrow to come.
I’ve been longing for some uninterrupted time to write lately, and now that I have it, all I really want to do it sit here and listen to the clank of silverware in the background while watching people wander through this little seaside holiday town.
But it feels good to write too.
These last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. Finding out about the baby’s condition (potential condition) has taken a toll on my mind and body. It’s been exhausting and overwhelming. And yet at the same time I can also say that I’ve found a peace amidst the chaos.
There’s a strange comfort in knowing that although the world might be crashing in around you, there are people there that know and love and continue to be there through it all.
My husband has been rock-steady. My boy has been adorable and easy. Friends have prayed. Parents have listened. Even strangers have encouraged. Most of all, God has felt near.
It’s been good, really good.
And I know that no matter what happens, this little baby boy is loved. He is wanted. He is longed for. And so am I – I am loved, cared for, supported, and affirmed.
And that, my friends, feels amazing.
We will get through this and be stronger for it. But hopefully we will not only be stronger, we will be more grateful, more aware, more compassionate, more trusting, and more tenderhearted.
Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect it. But God also has a way of providing blessings where they are least expected.
For us, one of those blessings has come in the form of a little holiday at the beach with some sun, some sand, and a few ice cream cones.
Dear friends, have you been in a season of hardship or a season of blessing? Or perhaps you’ve been experiencing both?
Glad for life at full throttle,
P.S. I wrote this post a week ago… and then in the midst of all of our movement (not to mention my entire household getting a nasty, violent stomach bug for the last few days) I forgot to actually post it. We’re well and truly home from our holiday now. I need to now say thank you for your incredible response to my last gut-wrenching post. Your comments and emails have caused me to feel humbled, blessed, loved, encouraged, and filled with all things good. (If you missed it, I shared the news that our baby may have Down Syndrome. You can read my story here.) We had our appointment with the specialist today and it went very well. I will try to write about it within the next day or two, but until then know that we are feeling positive. The summary is: he’s given us a 1 in 50 chance that baby has DS (which we’re counting as a very good thing at this point!) and two of the three markers that baby had last month have now disappeared. Power of prayer? Only God knows… But I have my suspicions. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I have much more to share… but not tonight. I’m still recovering from hovering over the toilet and hanging on for dear life. (TMI?)
Mellisa9 June 2011 at 11:06 pm
This post is a perfect example of the power of prayer, hope, love, support and vacation. 🙂 Hugs. Hope everyone gets to feeling better soon.
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:04 pm
if i could “like” this comment (like on fb) then i would! 🙂
thanks melissa! ryan and i are better now… levi’s still a bit pukey. 🙁 no doubt the end is near though… has to be!!
Queenie9 June 2011 at 11:08 pm
Continuing to pray Adriel. God knows exactly how this is going to play out. You just have to be willing to follow His gentle leading. Rest in that comfort. He is good.
alison9 June 2011 at 11:20 pm
praise God for good (or potentially good!) reports 🙂 we will all continue to pray that His will be done in the life of your family. and prayers for peace and comfort. especially “comfort” after that stomach virus. our entire family had that the last week of school, but i wasn’t pregnant at the time like you are. THAT adds a whole ‘nother level of discomfort! (although when i was pregnant with my son, i got a nasty stomach bug, so i can empathize with you on that one. NO fun!) your posts have been such an inspiration for me….thank you so much.
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:04 pm
appreciate it alison. x
Jette9 June 2011 at 11:34 pm
That is really good news! Prayed for you guys today. You and your family are a true testimony to God’s goodness and His faithfulness, in all circumstances of life. Bless you all and hope you feel better soon!
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:05 pm
thanks friend!! xx
Amanda10 June 2011 at 12:08 am
I honestly have no idea how I missed the last post. Maybe my reader had a hiccup..? I’m in shock over your news, but glad that you are so hopeful in regards to everything. It’s very much something that is difficult to wrap ones mind around. *HUGS* Some say things happen for a reason (I tend to believe that myself) and there are lessons to be learned from out of this situation. You seem to be doing beautifully <3 *HUGS*
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:06 pm
oh yes, i think there is meaning in everything… if we’re willing to look for it. every difficult situation can be turned around for good, and we believe this is no different. 🙂 and yes, i am (and we are) doing really well. thanks amanda.
Rachel10 June 2011 at 12:48 am
Amen! Oh that’s such wonderful news for Baby Booker!
And I hope you’re all feeling better soon.
Jamie10 June 2011 at 1:48 am
I was told that my oldest son potentially could have had Downs. Later, I found out that the indicators that were pointing them in this direction were “soft signs”. That experience not only taught me a whole new level of trust in God, but it also opened my eyes to a medical community that was shepherding women towards abortion based on soft signs that something might be wrong with their child. (I had discovered that my OB was a big advocate for abortion). Most of the signs disappeared as my pregnancy progressed and my son was born completely healthy.
My prayers are with you as your family travels this road.
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:10 pm
thanks jamie. sorry to hear that you didn’t have a good experience. my doctors have all been very respectful and supportive and have taken our lead related to that sort of thing. termination is a difficult subject for sure, but for us it wasn’t a viable option. there are still no guarantees for us regarding the health of this baby… but, there never is really. life can throw anything at you anytime! for now, we’re trusting that God has this little guy in his care and everything is going to be okay. (it certainly seems that it will be.) but what “okay” means we have to leave up to the Big Guy. 🙂 thanks for your prayers. x
Micheline10 June 2011 at 1:49 am
So happy to hear that you’re feeling positive because really that’s all that matters at this point. Sending lots of love and continued positive energy your way!
Nessa10 June 2011 at 2:10 am
Oh Adriel you spirit is so wonderful. Prayers sent up for you and your family daily. Thoughts of you have made me dust off this little funk I am in for no good reason.
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:13 pm
that’s really encouraging nessa. it’s so easy to get in a funk isn’t it? and sometimes there really isn’t a good reason. i find in those times it really does help to try and look beyond myself. even now i’ve had to do that. so many parents – so many people – have it so, so, SO much worse than we do. that i know for sure. 🙂 thanks for your prayers. x
Courtney @ The Mommy Matters10 June 2011 at 2:11 am
I love seeing the power of prayer come to be. I’m glad you guys were able to enjoy some sunshine and relaxation. It sounds like it might have come at the perfect time. Hope everyone is over that stomach bug. I’ll be looking forward to hearing more about your visit with the specialist. Still praying fervently for all of you!! 🙂
Carol10 June 2011 at 2:42 am
Blessings to you, Adriel. This post is oozing hope and gratitude and love for life. God is good.
Jeannie Hignell10 June 2011 at 4:18 am
I continue to pray, Adriel and Ryan (and Levi, of course) … that’s all I can say … I continue to pray. You are loved!
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:14 pm
thanks sweet friend! God is very, very good! x
KellyLake10 June 2011 at 8:43 am
Dear Ariel! thanks for your reply to my comment on your facebook page which linked to this post on your blog…I will keep praying for you and your little baby (and for Ryan and Levi too)…this post really helped me today…I am facing hip replacement surgery on July 21 (left hip first)… about a year and a half ago felt a lot of stiffness/pain in both hips..turns out after xrays taken I have advanced arthritis in both hips…I just turned 53 this week…over the past several months have tried physical therapy, pool therapy, Celebrex, and cortizone shots twice in both hips, all helped some but not permanently. Now I can hardly walk without pain, the cartlidge on the left hip is worn down to bone on bone..it has come on really fast, so my only option (short of a miracle healing from God which I am still asking for, but maybe the surgery is my miracle!) is the surgery. I will be off work for six weeks. Then am looking at doing the right hip too, but it’s not quite as bad, so probably will be sometime in the next year. If you would have asked me two years ago if I thought I’d ever be facing something like this I never would have dreamt it! But as you wrote, life has a way of throwing curveballs…but God has also provided blessings where I have found a wonderful doctor and talked to others who have had the surgery done and are doing really well and glad they did it, and I have a replacement coming in to do my job while I am out, so there are many things I am thankful for in all of it. I have never had any kind of surgery so am nervous…but know when it all comes down to it, God is in control and He has me, and I trust Him. Thank you so very much for your prayers for me, pray that I go through the surgery fine, pray for the doctor and other medical professionals who will be taking care of me, and pray for a speedy and good recovery (and for my husband and family, who will have to really do a lot of stuff while I am recovering!) thank you Adriel and God bless you and I will be praying for you!
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:16 pm
oh, i’m so glad to hear that this post helped you in your own situation kelly. but of course i’m sorry to hear that you need such major surgery. you’re right – you’re too young to have to go through that!! 🙁 i will pray for you and that all goes well and this will help solve some of your problems. please let me know how it goes. xx
Katherine10 June 2011 at 1:34 pm
TMI posts are the best! Glad you are feeling better and glad to hear an update on baby numero dos. I saw on Ryan’s fb page that you were awaiting results today. Such a heavy unknown, but you are walking into it with grace. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your heart on a topic that is real and hard to grapple with. This challenges me.
Rachel10 June 2011 at 2:39 pm
I am just catching up after having my own baby (yay!) I cant imagine how stressful this has been for you. I almost didn’t get the genetic testing with my second pregnancy because I didn’t know how I would deal with such news. You have been very strong. It sounds like you have a great support network. This baby will be so lucky to have you has his mama. Sending good thoughts!
Adriel @ The Mommyhood Memos10 June 2011 at 7:20 pm
thanks rachel. i hope you’re soaking it all in with that cute little guy. he’s just precious. 🙂 i didn’t get the first trimester genetic screening with the baby. we knew we’d want to keep him anyway so we didn’t see the point. the markers all came up on the morphology scans that they do at 18-22 weeks. ours was at 19 weeks… but now, four weeks later we’re already seeing improvements so that’s good news for us. doesn’t rule out DS or others, but does make it seem much less likely. big sigh of relief for us. now we just wait and continue to pray that all will be well and healthy! x
Laura12 June 2011 at 5:36 am
I’m so sorry you guys were sick, but glad that you got a vacation and a chance to digest and feel peace about everything else going on in your life. I fully believe in the power of prayer, and I’m going to continue to pray for your family, that you all have peace and happiness, whatever ends up happening. Your post is a wonderful testament to hope and choosing happiness!
(Erin) Nirvana Mamma12 June 2011 at 9:59 am
Wow, you can write, Lady. I felt like I was right there with you! Lovely. So glad you are feeling better w/the stomach bug, and sounds like God is working miracles. And you are absolutely glowing! So pretty.
strong and fragile, we will be okay « The Mommyhood Memos12 June 2011 at 7:21 pm
[…] life at full throttle […]
Rosilind14 June 2011 at 11:11 pm
Wonderful post. Thanks so much for opening up and sharing with us about this journey you’re on. You are a huge blessing!
Kelly Ingvalson18 June 2011 at 5:15 am
I don’t know you personally, but have been following your blog as my husband and I are joining YWAM. You are such an encouragement to me. Choosing to look at your glass half full instead of half empty. You are facing so much right now, but your humility in sharing with others is so admirable to me. We too often feel like we need to live a life full of “perfection” which leaves us to feel like we have to struggle alone. Thank you for being an example of clinging to God in the hardest of hard times, and sharing with others in search of prayer and support. I am praying for you and your beautiful family.