“Why are you still single?” | A single woman’s perspective on the dreaded question

thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Was once told (at a friends wedding of all places) that because I was pursuing my dream to work in PNG I was too independent, and therefore intimidating to guys, to ever get married. Great, thanks. Then had others tell me I was sacrificing any chance of a relationship by moving to the jungle, and still others excited about the fact I was going to find myself a ‘native’ husband. Everything I do evaluated in the light of “you need to get married”. Massively appreciate this – thank you!
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I’ve been away from home in missions for 9 months, and I come home 1 week after turning 23 and this is all I hear. Thank you for your article, I’ve shared it with many friends, and am so thankful to have something new to say to people who (though they only just care so much) tend to press on a tender area in our lives.

Thank you!!

Wow! Try to flirt a bit more… That is ridiculous! Good on you Sarah (and other ladies not currently in a romantic relationship). I admire you and as someone who married at the age of 21 I have at times envied your freedom to just get up and go whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Thank you so much for writing your post. As a happily single 44yo woman who would love the companionship of marriage, I have faced these questions many, many times. Sometimes from well-meaning older women and sometimes from children who don’t understand why I don’t have any of my own, but my answer has become, “because I haven’t found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with yet.”

That really is the truth. My life is an amazing adventure and I have big dreams with Jesus. I’m also an egalitarian – I believe men and women are equal and that marriage should be a reflection of the equality and mutual submission evident in the Trinity. Here in Florida it’s not easy to find others who are wiling to embrace equality. However, so many of my married friends are envious of the life I’ve been leading – full of travel, adventures, and divine appointments. There are many days where I pinch myself in unbelief at the places I’ve seen, the moves of God I’ve experienced, and the people with whom I’ve spent personal time.

I would love to have a companion who was interested in the great adventure, too. But our society doesn’t value the type of life I have – it values stability and financial resources. It’s been hard to meet people, especially men, who are willing to risk everything to live the adventure.

I do believe that I will meet him one day, though. But I haven’t yet. So, for now, I enjoy my life and cherish the family relationships I have in the Body of Christ. And I love my brothers!

I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve been getting this question for years. It’s been a nice reminder that there isn’t anything wrong with being single. A few years ago, one of my married friends was speaking with me about my singleness and encouraging me that it was its own blessing. Single people have an inherent freedom to “go” as God calls in a much easier way than married people do; there are many blessings and challenges for both sides. I think it’s easy to forget that our relationship status is something we need to continually lay down on the alter before our Lord and let Him take the lead on, like we ask for every other area of our lives. If we truly believe His plan is better, we have to remember He has a plan for this area as well, regardless of gender.

I was interested in reading the comments here. One thing I just want to add is….is anyone, man or woman, truly desires children or even many children. they really need to plan on being married young. Many don’t realize that (from stats I read) fertility peaks at about 25 for women, and declines after that. Of course there are women in their late 30s and in their 40s that do have children, but is often harder to conceive.

Also, there is a series of books and CDs called Real Love by Greg Baer MD that might be helpful. I find his work refreshingly honest, thorough, and encouraging for people whether they are single, dating, engaged, or married. It helps you find your true self as God created you, which in turn might lead to changes happening in a way that is helpful. God bless.

Thank you so very much. I’m 20 and just starting to get the hints and nudges. I am over weight and people hint or sometimes boldly state that is the only reason I am not married, because i have such a pretty face. This frustrates me because shouldn’t i want to change these things for me and not so i can land a man? The right guy for me should like me on the good or the bad days shouldn’t he? I have already gotten the line it intimidates guys because they are scared about how big i will get. I get that the easier you are on the eyes the more guys become interested but i only want the one guy. Won’t he see me for my personality? If he doesn’t do i even really want him as a husband? At this point i haven’t been called to anything big other than scarily not to go to college buy instead starting a business. My business isn’t going well. So often i think that getting a husband would make life so much for simple but then God reminds me that he put me on this track for a reason. It wasn’t just to keep me busy until I get married. I still have panic attacks every once in a while though and having all my siblings married can make me feel like the ninth wheel. On top of that i have nieces and nephews that make me long for children.

A lot of us Good single men out there today are asking the same Question. Why?

This was very encouraging. I am soon to turn 32 and am very single. I have prayed very much for a husband and children. I woke up with a very heavy heart this morning. Sometimes I am great with being single knowing God is in control but at other times my unfulfilled desires,I admit, get the best of me.

I posted this on facebook years ago and it came up in my memories today. I have really been struggling with this lately. Not so much people ASKING me about it but moreso, just feeling the desire really heavily. God has been reminding me that he has the most beautiful plans for me but that the most beautiful things take time. I’m gonna wait for the most beautiful.

Then there are many of us that aren’t single by choice since many of us were just never meant to find real love at all unfortunately. And as a single good man myself which if i had been that very blessed from the very beginning, then i definitely would’ve been all settled down by now with my very own good wife and family that i still don’t have today. Just happened to be born at a very bad time the way that i look at it which has a lot to do with it for many of us that never expected this to happened to us.

Now that most women today are very independent, which a lot of these women really don’t need us men anymore either. That is why it is very difficult for many of us single men to meet a good woman to have a very serious relationship with. Women today are very different from the past which is why they can’t accept many of us men for who we really are, and most women nowadays are really looking for men with a lot of money unfortunately. It was real very easy finding love in the old days for the men in those days that really had no trouble at all, since most women back then were very poor like most men were at that time as well. So with the very big change in the women today, it really does make love very hard to find now for many of us men still looking.