The day I lost my baby

{Kathy} God bless you, brave woman. Your story has not been told in vain. The pain and grief are there for others now. Peace be with you.
Mothering From Scratch recently posted..a letter to my 25-year-old mommy self

Oh, Adriel. Bless your heart; my heart broke a million times over reading this. I lost our baby at almost this exact same time, and your experience with the doubting pregnancy to the horrible lack of compassion that the doctor displayed–I’m so very sorry. (I passed my baby into the toilet and wanted them to retrieve it –they flushed it instead, claiming I was “seeing things.”

On another note –that was a time that I felt like I hit rock bottom. I didn’t get out of bed for days–a week almost. I cried and cried and cried, and the worst times were nighttimes. But the thing that happened ultimately is that I grew in my walk with the Lord. I appreciated the little things so much more, and for awhile, I did harbor bitterness and great sadness, but that has since subsided (it’s been 5.5 years now–wow!) – I don’t “appreciate” the experience, but I appreciate the use of God’s love and redirection.

I’m thinking of you, sweet love. It does get easier, but for now, it’s okay to question and to cry, and to have an unexpected range of emotions.

Sending so much love your way!
Hillary recently posted..UBP 2013

I read your post last night and could not bring myself to comment because I just didn’t want to see that this has happened to you. It is so sad to lose a child and in this way it can be especially difficult as those around often do not understand the grief, nor share in it. I remember the sting all to well from many of the comments that came from medical staff as well as friends.

I will pray for you. The only comfort I have as a believer is that one day we will get to meet our children and take them into arms that have waited so long to hold them.

Adriel,
I sit here crying tears as I remember going through this myself. Not as far along as you, but 3 times in one year. It only gets better as the days pass. Finally we are trying again and I am so scared. But reading your story makes me feel not alone. Thank you for posting. Beautiful words.

Oh, how I’m heartbroken for you, Adriel. I’m so sorry. I am amazed at the eloquence and strength which you wrote about your journey and your sweet daughter. Your words will surely touch so many mamas in the days to come.

There are no words adequate for such a loss, but you have been in my daily prayers since you shared on IG. I will continue to lift you up to Him in the weeks and months to come.

Love from Indiana. xo
Rachel {A Cupcake for Moose}

Adriel, I have been thinking of you much lately. I’ve had this urge, this voice saying to check on you via your blog. I’ve been so busy that usually I would forget, but tonight, I remembered and I’m glad I did.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that my prayers and well wishes are with you. And even though I never have time it seems to read my favorite blogs, I do think of you often. Lots of love and hugs.

Love,
Jessica
Jessica recently posted..Words to Inspire

Adriel, I don’t even have words except to say that I’ve been there, and I hurt to the very bottom of my heart for you. I pray that you and Ryan will grieve this loss together, as one, and that you will cling to The Lord as you do, the two things that we most struggled with as we walked this path. And how I respect your desire to know your baby’s gender. I would’ve given anything to know with the three that we lost this way. Thank you for being brave enough to share. It wasn’t until I began to open up a bit about our experience that I learned how far too many of us lose these littles before we know them on the outside. But that doesn’t make the time we knew them on the inside any less precious. No matter how small the footprints, they are never too little to leave imprints on our hearts.

I am greatly sorry for your loss. I too am going through a tough loss. On April 4 suffered a miscarriage, the second one in 5 months. I know the pain you are feeling. Some of the raw emotion you are writing about, I feel too. It is like you have pulled some of the words right out of my heart. I will pray for you and your little. The only comfort I take is knowing our babies never had to experience pain and heart break of this awful world we live in, they were born into Jesus’ arms. We both have pretty special angels watching over us and one day we will be reunited. I hope this helps. I know there is nothing anyone can say that will make anything better.

Adriel,

I just want to hug you right now… My heart really hurts for you all.. Love and hugs and you are in my prayers..

Adriel, I know this pain as well, and you have ministered beautifully here with your story. I’m so sorry you have had to walk this road of loss, and my prayers are with you and your family as you process and heal.

This made me cry. But it also brought me peace and some healing as well. I especially love the verses you posted, they spoke right to me. See, we both lost little girls at around the same time. On Easter Sunday, we announced we were expecting our 3rd child, and on April 18th I brought her into the world. I was 13 weeks 4 days pregnant. I had a natural birth-miscarriage at home with my husband there to support me. We named her Charlotte Faith. It hurts a lot knowing that we were supposed to have an October baby, but had an April baby instead. But one day at time, with Jesus by my side, makes all the difference in the world. Prayers for you and your family.

It took me until today, this day after Mother’s Day, here in the US, to sit in quiet, able to focus and feel, reading your story. It’s just not easy to revisit, through someone else’s loss, our own areas of grief. Startling, really, how raw those encounters still rub on the wounds of familiar pain. Your words voice what some never have words to express. Thank you. I am so sorry for the hope dashed in the loss of your little girl. What a tragic loss, indeed. May you sense the sure presence of a Holy comforter whose compassions cannot fail. One who is familiar with our sufferings, Whose tender mercies never cease. Like endless waves washing up and over you, I pray a continual pouring out of healing, help and strength until you are girded up and find yourself having been carried through this valley.
Tears today have been shed, sharing in your continued grief yet also celebrating the value of her life with you as well . I’m grieving too, over the sad reality of that mindset that does not give value to life that you faced in the most grim way, right in the midst of losing your treasured baby. I’m sorry you faced that dark mindset during one of your darkest moments. I’m glad you were mad in the devastation of sad at the right things. You can forgive her. That nurse or doctor could not possibly know the Truth of life and hold no understanding for such loss. Therefore, she is blinded by the lie of this world and in need of the Savior/Creator you know so well.
Your little one lives eternal, Adriel…hope of heaven, more certain now than ever before.
Hugs from the heart…
Jill

Wow…This post had me tearing up bad. I have no words for your loss but admire your bravery in accounting all of these emotions.
Aprille @beautifulinhistime.com recently posted..What you didn’t see {Dear Judgmental Woman at Story Time}

Adriel, I stumbled across this as I was reading another post from you, and I just wanted to express my sorrow and love for you. I had a premature little boy at 22 weeks who passed away, Oliver, and then miscarried a year later. I know some of your pain, and I know as moms in this “club” we need to uplift and support one another. It has been three years since I lost my son, and two years since my miscarriage. I can confidently tell you that healing, strength, and even more peace comes. However, just as you said, you will have Scarlett with you until the end of your days, with that there will always be some sorrow, there’s no shame in that. Not that you need any advice, but if I had any to give it would be to allow that sorrow to wash over you when it comes, feel what you need to, cry it out. Then take a deep breath, remember the blessings Scarlett has brought into your life, and hug your boys a little tighter :). Thank you for sharing your raw emotions and giving a voice to the many women who have endured what we have. Your words brought to remembrance my two sweethearts, and I love every opportunity I have to think of them :).
(I have since successfully had a little girl who is one, and the light of my life.)

This brings back all the memories so strongly of my d&c in October. It was my first pregnancy and i went for my second appointment and they told me that my baby’s heart had stopped beating a few days before. I was utterly devastated. I didn’t know what to think what to do. I wondered why I hadn’t been able to tell. I felt so sad that I didn’t even realize my baby had stopped growing. They asked if I wanted to schedule a d&c for the next day. I was still in shock and very upset. I hadn’t even had a chance to call my boyfriend and tell him what had happened. After, I went home and told my boyfriend the sad news. He and i spent the day together We were so sad for the loss we were both so excited to give his son a sibling and he was so excited to have a little brother or sister. The next week i had my d&c. It was the first surgery i had ever had and i was so sad. Itfelt so inhumane that they were going to take my baby from me. Just take them, scrape them and rip them out of my body. I remember walking to the operation room and when i woke up all i wanted to do was cry as soon as i saw my boyfriend and my mom there. It has been the saddest experience i have been through. But God has blessed us and we are pregnant again about 6 weeks so far.

This was so beautifully written. So achingly familiar. Such a wonderful reminder of the gift of Grace and Peace. http://sprinkleblog.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-angel-in-heaven.html
Sprinkle recently posted..ISIS

I am feeling this same pain as I write this. My baby girl was born 9/29/16 @ 18 weeks sleeping. I honestly don’t know if I’m grieving properly but I can’t function daily. I’m feeling lonely, confused, depressed, unloved, unwanted, lonely, angry. I don’t even know if I deserve to be loved because I’m such a failure. I let down my family, friends and everyone who was waiting to meet her down. I’ve always been good to people and I’ve always tried to live right so I don’t understand why God would destroy my entire being. My will to live is through my children. I only have one son who’s 12 yrs old so she would’ve completed my family as I’m approaching 36 I feel defeated. All I ever wanted was to be a “mommy.” Is God so angry with me that he’d forsake me??