The fact that you’re here means you’ve probably googled for clues on how to help your friend after a heartbreaking miscarriage or other form of pregnancy loss such as stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, etc. I’m sorry. There’s no other way to say it other than: this is hard.
Thank you for putting aside your own discomfort, awkwardness, and sadness, and for being willing to put yourself in the vulnerable position of offering support to a grieving friend as she mourns the loss of her baby. I’ve been on both sides of this equation and I realize how vulnerable it feels when you want to do or say the “right” things and avoid the “wrong” ones. (This post on how to help a friend after miscarriage or stillbirth addresses those things more specifically. And this post on what to say or not say may help if you feel nervous about your words.)
The following are a few ideas to help you put together a gift or care package for your bereaved friend. (Please note that my first advice is always to bring them a meal or fresh cut flowers if you can. In fact, you should probably read this post first.) Some of the list below would make fantastic stand alone gifts, others would be best suited toward bundling into a care package. However you end up choosing a gift for your friend, I hope these suggestions help spur your creativity and show you how simple it can be to express your care through a tangible gift. Although I don’t know your friend or her situation, I can confidently say it will mean the world to her that you see her loss as great enough to warrant this kind of expression of kindness.
Your friend has just experienced a birth and death all rolled into one huge life event that can feel extremely alienating; she’ll be glad to know she’s not alone. Thank you for your desire to help her grieve with hope. (And please know that even though I’ve compiled these suggestions with mothers in mind, dads need care and attention too.)
Care package and gift ideas for a friend after miscarriage:
A journal is a thoughtful gift to help encourage your friend to explore her grief and get her complicated emotions on paper. I like this one with a pen holder and lined pages. ($12.94)
Organic chamomile tea.
Chamomile tea is soothing and calming, making it a great option for someone under stress or in pain. This one comes in a gorgeous box and definitely says ‘gift quality.’ ($4.79)
Lavender essential oil.
Lavender essential oil like this one can be dropped into a bath, used with a carrier oil directly on your skin, or used in a diffuser. Not only is it a beautiful scent, but it’s known for its calming properties and can be useful in promoting sleep. ($6.75)
Need I explain this one? Of course not. How about this organic fair trade salted almond 70% dark chocolate bar? ($4.99)
I love this one ($3.64) or this one ($2.97) by Burt’s Bees.
Plush slipper socks.
Slipper socks like these ($7.99) are one of my favorite comfort items. (These also look good ($0.90) for a less expensive alternative.)
This simplicity+hope candle ($13.00) is beautiful and burns for fifty hours.
Packet of flower seeds.
After my first miscarriage a complete stranger sent me a packet of seeds for planting sunflowers. It was one of the most thoughtful gestures imaginable for me at the time. (Having a flower that is hardy and blooms year after year is a wonderful tribute to a baby lost too soon.) These forget-me-not seeds ($1.69) would be perfect.
This is the book I wish someone gave me after my miscarriage. It was a labor of love to write and gives me great joy to be able to provide this resource to women and their families as they wade through grief. Grace Like Scarlett: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss.
Other gift ideas:
This entire package would cost just over $50.00, but you can easily pick a few items to put together according to your budget. (Alternately, you can buy a pre-assembled gift like this Healing Heart Comfort Kit.)
Other gift ideas to consider might be: name a star after the baby, fresh cut flowers, a potted plant or tree (but only if she’s a green thumb—otherwise it can be depressing if it doesn’t survive), a special jewelry item (consider adding the baby’s name or using the stone of the birth month), or a gift certificate for a day spa or her favorite cafe.
Our Scarlett Stories Pregnancy Loss Community
Gift your friend a membership to an 8-week Deep Dive guided grief support group in the Our Scarlett Stories pregnancy loss community. Here she will find supportive community, a packed resource library, in depth grief support groups, and more. Find out more at Our Scarlett Stories.
I hope you find these suggestions helpful. Thank you for your heart to help hurting parents.
p.s. If you’ve experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or another form of pregnancy loss, would you have appreciated these suggestions? Do you have ideas you’d like to share? If so I’d love to hear them in the comments.
Please note: Individual item prices were noted at the time of posting. Obviously they are subject to change without my knowledge. This post contains affiliate links, meaning at no extra cost to you we receive a few cents from your purchase. Thank you for supporting the ongoing running of this blog so we can continue resourcing women in need.
Susan Shipe11 August 2017 at 11:12 pm
What a wonderful and helpful post. I am visiting from Hope*Writers.
Adriel Booker25 May 2018 at 4:19 pm
Thank you Susan! I hope it’s helpful!
Adriel Booker recently posted..What not to say to a friend after a miscarriage (And what to say instead)
Jody Collins12 August 2017 at 2:55 am
Adriel, it’s nice to have some tangible actions that will let someone know they are not alone. Great ideas.
Adriel Booker25 May 2018 at 4:20 pm
Thanks Jody. I hope these help! Most of us feel so clumsy with grief, but small gestures of kindness and care go a long way.
Adriel Booker recently posted..A free 7-day devotional: Grieving with Hope after Miscarriage and Loss
Lydia3 May 2018 at 7:38 pm
After my miscarriage my cousin gave me a beautiful Pandora bracelet with a little boy bootie charm on it. It meant so much. I was so touched by it.
Adriel Booker25 May 2018 at 4:21 pm
Oh how beautiful. What a gift. x
Adriel Booker recently posted..A story from the trenches (Because you don’t need an ‘expert’ when you’re suffering)
KERRY LEA Wicker11 October 2018 at 1:08 am
For me, it was my empty arms that was/were the toughest. My husband and I found a small teddy bear after one of our losses. I needed something to hold as I wept and grieved in my rocking chair. One time, it was as simple as finding a small acorn that I knew was the size of the baby we had just miscarried. So sometimes I have given a small stuffed bear, or a miniature quilt, or even an empty box in which to put the few tangible memories you may have after such a loss. Sometimes the hospital bracelet if you had to have surgery, or the ultrasound picture. Something to mark this little life that was.
Adriel Booker11 October 2018 at 11:36 am
Love these ideas. Thank you Kerry Lea.
Vedhanandini7 May 2019 at 11:00 am
Thank you for these ideas. It is a difficult topic and you have been so thoughtful.
AbiP21 June 2019 at 10:40 pm
For me the most helpful and useful items I was given was a friend gave me organic raspberry tea and a microwavable heating pad (both helped greatly with my very sore tum which lasted for three weeks).
Adriel Booker18 May 2020 at 2:37 pm
these are perfect.
Adriel Booker recently posted..Deep Dive: Grief support groups after pregnancy loss
A Pierce22 September 2019 at 11:42 pm
A meal or a food gift card with the basket. It’s been almost 3 months and I’m still unable to cook or clean regularly.
Brittany5 November 2019 at 6:56 am
A mentor gave me a necklace with the date on it. The gesture was extremely thoughtful and I wore it on mother’s day only a couple of weeks later. I believe any gift would say “I care that you are hurting”. With grief, hormones and the awkwardness that others feel it is easy to believe that one is expected to just “get on”.
Adriel Booker18 May 2020 at 2:38 pm
So true. <3
Also, I love the idea of a due date necklace. That is beautiful and so thoughtful.
Adriel Booker recently posted..Deep Dive: Grief support groups after pregnancy loss
Madalyn Schueler8 July 2020 at 3:46 am
This is a great list of tangible gifts to support loved ones through this type of loss. People often do not know what to do or buy for loss parents, as it’s so taboo. After facing two losses of our own, my husband and I started an Etsy shop with care packages for pregnancy and infant loss, called RainflowersShop. Many of the items you listed are included in our boxes.
mysafepillsrx16 January 2021 at 8:38 pm
My friend had a miscarriage 2 days ago. I could not understand how to support her but after reading your blog I got an idea.
Adriel Booker9 March 2021 at 12:56 pm
I’m very sorry for your friend’s loss. Glad you feel better equipped to care for her now. Thanks for sharing.